Today I Choose My Life
Ok hold on everyone, you may not like this post.
But sometimes you have to do what is best for your heart, your soul, sometimes in order to reclaim your life, your happiness you need to face a moment or two of ugliness in order to grow.
When I graduated from high school I was taken by 3 men, hurt badly i will not go into details, I thought because i spoke to them, some called me a chronic flirt, i deserved what happened to me.
I couldn't face the ugliness, i broke inside thought i deserved it.
I couldn't let my parents see the truth, so my family thought i lied.
I believed i would go to my grave without ever yelling, no i didnt.
Then it spiraled me into years of poor choices. UNTIL... I hit bottom, people always assumed i made ALOT more mistakes then I actually did. I believed I was losing it.
Then a sweet lady one day said to me after I was divorced the first time, that Jill they took a moment, a day, they did not take your heart your soul. She told me the day would come I would reclaim my life. I did, I wrote a book with Blaine Yorgason I let my story be turned into 3 characters. I started going to help and speak at rape awareness groups, abused women groups, and in losing myself through service I found my life, my calling.
There are those who only see my mistakes, not how hard I tried to move on, create a new me. My sins are remembered no more I am grateful. I pray for those who hurt me, I realize how damaged they must have been to make those choices. I overcame thoughts of ending my life as we all do, but then God thought I needed to have something to stay focused on. I started finding people, giving them answers and in that I found peace, calm, happiness, in my children, in love. There was someone who taught me how to love and someone who taught me about life. God just happened to make them father and son. I experienced losing a love that hurt into the fiber of my soul. But I met people like Earl, Emeron, Nick, Rex and Debbie Bailey who showed me someone saw me, the real me, picked me up when I was down, sat by my beside in ICU numerous times, willing and loving me to live and just loved me. What a powerful thing love is. What an amazing healing power that can be, the feelings of inadequacy, not looking a certain way, letting my children down, all were something I proudly walked through because I was loved. They had and have my back, after years I am proudly running back to me, to what I do best. Helping others paying it forward, and trying to love others who are not always loveable.
Forgiving and being forgiven. Being told I had 3 months 8 years ago and finding out noone knew anything. Being grateful that ,I have waited 35 years to reclaim my life and the truth.
I have one rule so pay attention. Do not ask if you can't handle hearing the truth because I will tell you but anything God and I put to rest well God forgave me, I forgave myself. I have the greatest gift in having my mother in my life in a way I didn't think I ever would, the family I hurt, I pray for closure, I love them, need them, and have tried to show I am not that person. But I also understand they are on their own journey. So I love you all so much, I never believe in coincidence, It is Gods way of remaining anonymous. I believe yesterday it woke me up. I needed to free myself, to stand tall with my head high. As I stated on Facebook I am not a victim I am Jill just another person who has trials struggles makes mistakes stands up and is ready to just live, really live and love and introduce everyone to who has been waiting to break free.. I waited 35 years to tell a best friend the truth, to say I love you and to hear it. That heals me, watching them hurt from their own trials well it's hard but that's why we are all here to love and hold each other up, and see tomorrow.
Thank you to everyone who holds me up, crys with me, shares with me loves me, forgives me, to those who have their own battles know that some days your a tiger, some days your curled in the corner watching sappy music videos, crying. But today I set myself free, I show my family I am happy to be alive, to have a chance for happiness, for love, and to learn and grow. I don't run from trials anymore I roll with them. Then i stand back up
But sometimes you have to do what is best for your heart, your soul, sometimes in order to reclaim your life, your happiness you need to face a moment or two of ugliness in order to grow.
When I graduated from high school I was taken by 3 men, hurt badly i will not go into details, I thought because i spoke to them, some called me a chronic flirt, i deserved what happened to me.
I couldn't face the ugliness, i broke inside thought i deserved it.
I couldn't let my parents see the truth, so my family thought i lied.
I believed i would go to my grave without ever yelling, no i didnt.
Then it spiraled me into years of poor choices. UNTIL... I hit bottom, people always assumed i made ALOT more mistakes then I actually did. I believed I was losing it.
Then a sweet lady one day said to me after I was divorced the first time, that Jill they took a moment, a day, they did not take your heart your soul. She told me the day would come I would reclaim my life. I did, I wrote a book with Blaine Yorgason I let my story be turned into 3 characters. I started going to help and speak at rape awareness groups, abused women groups, and in losing myself through service I found my life, my calling.
There are those who only see my mistakes, not how hard I tried to move on, create a new me. My sins are remembered no more I am grateful. I pray for those who hurt me, I realize how damaged they must have been to make those choices. I overcame thoughts of ending my life as we all do, but then God thought I needed to have something to stay focused on. I started finding people, giving them answers and in that I found peace, calm, happiness, in my children, in love. There was someone who taught me how to love and someone who taught me about life. God just happened to make them father and son. I experienced losing a love that hurt into the fiber of my soul. But I met people like Earl, Emeron, Nick, Rex and Debbie Bailey who showed me someone saw me, the real me, picked me up when I was down, sat by my beside in ICU numerous times, willing and loving me to live and just loved me. What a powerful thing love is. What an amazing healing power that can be, the feelings of inadequacy, not looking a certain way, letting my children down, all were something I proudly walked through because I was loved. They had and have my back, after years I am proudly running back to me, to what I do best. Helping others paying it forward, and trying to love others who are not always loveable.
Forgiving and being forgiven. Being told I had 3 months 8 years ago and finding out noone knew anything. Being grateful that ,I have waited 35 years to reclaim my life and the truth.
I have one rule so pay attention. Do not ask if you can't handle hearing the truth because I will tell you but anything God and I put to rest well God forgave me, I forgave myself. I have the greatest gift in having my mother in my life in a way I didn't think I ever would, the family I hurt, I pray for closure, I love them, need them, and have tried to show I am not that person. But I also understand they are on their own journey. So I love you all so much, I never believe in coincidence, It is Gods way of remaining anonymous. I believe yesterday it woke me up. I needed to free myself, to stand tall with my head high. As I stated on Facebook I am not a victim I am Jill just another person who has trials struggles makes mistakes stands up and is ready to just live, really live and love and introduce everyone to who has been waiting to break free.. I waited 35 years to tell a best friend the truth, to say I love you and to hear it. That heals me, watching them hurt from their own trials well it's hard but that's why we are all here to love and hold each other up, and see tomorrow.
Thank you to everyone who holds me up, crys with me, shares with me loves me, forgives me, to those who have their own battles know that some days your a tiger, some days your curled in the corner watching sappy music videos, crying. But today I set myself free, I show my family I am happy to be alive, to have a chance for happiness, for love, and to learn and grow. I don't run from trials anymore I roll with them. Then i stand back up
Bravo!!! I am sorry for what had happened to you,it makes me sad,so many people would hold on to something like this and use it a crutch for the rest of there life's,but you haven't you are open and willingly to reach out your hand to some one asking for help. You my friend sound like you have been through hell and made it, with some water left to help others. You are an inspiration.☺️p.s. I never apologize for telling the Truth, I try to be as Honest as I can, so I don't have to remember anything ☺️
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