Love in circles

It was a shock the first time I fell in love, I did not know what it was or powerful it truly was. It was just a moment, a short moment where when I fell in love, just by looking in his eyes. So many people have told me that it was attraction, sexual attraction, and so many other explanations. But it was the deepest, most honest feeling I had ever had.Feelings in circles, all getting better, stronger. 28 years later without expecting it, without even realizing I was in the same situation again yet there I was, I met him, and over a dinner, a simple dinner I felt something more powerful, deeper then I had ever felt. I had come close, I thought I was in love, but it was not anything even close. For a moment I reached inside and realized that my greatest fear yet my deepest most passionate feelings were here again. How do I tell you how in that moment I was in trouble, I felt as if I was in something I did not know could exist twice. You smiled, you looked in my eyes, there was nothing in particular that I could put my finger on, yet I knew nothing I ever did could stop what had just started. I felt as if I was betraying the first love, as if I was letting go of something I had cherished, obsessed over,and something my heart was protective over.Here I was risking getting hurt, losing you and the pain being worse then when my first love died, because you are alive, and my heart was holding onto you and needing more and more of you. I know that you might never fall in love with me, or not to the degree I love you. I know you might choose to move on seeking, needing the very thing I found in you. But here is what I found. That truly loving someone means no matter what happens you want their happiness more then anything. I would not want you if I could not have all of you. If you someday give all of yourself to someone and spend the rest of your life happier then you have ever been, more fulfilled, wanting to be a better person, letting go of all the chains that keep you from really giving all of your heart then that is all I could ever wish for you. Will it hurt that I do not get to experience that with you? Absolutely but I need you more then anything to have, to find, exactly what I found in you. I need to know you know, believe, want, and will find the very thing I felt the first date. I thought earlier in life that love was you both owning, needing, each other. I thought if you could both have each other and it stayed as intense for both of you all the time, then that was it, I have learned that true, real love, is wanting, needing their happiness more then you need your own. My heart is happy that I now know I can feel love again, that there is a happiness for each one of us. However it is more important that you cherish them while you have them, that you let them know you wish for them that same deep feeling. I am going around in circles, enjoying each moment we spend, each hug, each kiss, each breath taking moment of loving you. Each day I pray for another, each night I spend with you I lay awake watching you sleep, enjoying those moments. Every day every time I hear from you, I feel as if I am 13 again in a crush, every time I wait for you to show up I feel this overwhelming feeling of how tight can I hold you? How deeply can I kiss you? Every time you hold me in your arms, or your hands touch mine, there are feelings deeper then I could ever express. And every morning when you leave I only pray for one thing.... For you to some day feel the same way, some day, for someone who reaches inside your heart inside your soul, and changes you. You changed my life, my dreams, my thoughts on love, passion, and if I pray the same for you...... I know my first love if he was here would thank you, for giving me back a piece of my heart and soul. I know he would say thank you for showing me, teaching me, to feel again. Just as some day I would love to tell the woman who steals your heart and soul that I hope she knows what a treasure she has in you....Oh so many feelings, going around in circles all hoping for one thing...for you to be happy, deeply, passionately, as purely as I feel.